There’s nothing like a cold and rainy Wednesday to burst your bubble. I had been so happy about the way our wonderful argumentative essay unit was going.
“I am so proud, I can’t ask for more,” I told my husband one night at dinner. “The kids are writing like high school students!”
Well, reality is a harsh master. Today, while I was conferencing with students, I came across the following nuggets of wisdom:
- Health care is not a good idea for several reasons.
- Gun control means that people know how to use and care for their guns.
- 90% of all US deaths happen because of guns.
- If we were to have year-round school, teachers would run out of information to teach.
And my favorite:
5. Studies show that state testing causes vomiting on answer sheets.
I love my job. I love these kids. Responses like these serve as a smack to my big, fat head. A reminder that no matter how they look and act sometimes, my students are children. They have only been on this planet for twelve short years. In diapers for a quarter of their lives.
So I decided to enjoy the unintentional humor and looked at the situation realistically. I have over 100 students. Most of the essays have a lot of promise. I can handle five less than stellar research misquotes or misunderstandings. I started emphasizing the importance of reading one’s own paper before we conference. I told period 7 that it might even save a life. MY life. They love when I exaggerated about how I take their errors personally.
Because I like to give others a chuckle when I get a plethora of funny answers, I shared these gems in an email to the other teachers on my team, the principal, and the assistant principals. I omitted names of course.
Let me tell you, I work with some clever people. These are some of the responses I received:
In reference to Health care is not a good idea for several reasons.
–“This is why we are now serving double-deep-fried Whoopie bars in the cafeteria.”
–“This is why we are now serving double-deep-fried Whoopie bars in the cafeteria.”
In reference to 90% of all US deaths happen because of guns.
-“Well, that solves the healthcare issue.”
-“Well, that solves the healthcare issue.”
In reference to If we were to have year-round school, teachers would run out of information to teach.
–Oh no! They’ve heard what I’m like in June.
–Oh no! They’ve heard what I’m like in June.
Regarding Studies show that state testing causes vomiting on answer sheets.
-“It’s true, but sometimes the teachers vomit on the test booklets also.”
-“It’s true, but sometimes the teachers vomit on the test booklets also.”
Perfect day. I love my job.